Making the Decision

I have tried this whole blog thing before, and completely failed at it. But I am beginning to make some changes in my life that are long overdue. This blog is going to help me with a handful of those changes. And yes, keeping up with this blog is definitely one of them! Haha!

So here is a list of the changes I am determined to make, starting first thing tomorrow morning.

1. Maintain this blog.
2. Lose the weight.
   
3. Stop biting my nails.... AGAIN!
4. Find a job.
5. Enjoy hobbies.
   
6. Change contact habits.
7. More family time.

.: Maintaining This Blog :. Writing has always been a strong passion of mine. But keeping up with things I start... well, they never end up getting finished. So rather than this just being a "blog" of my life events. I'm aiming this one more at my goals. A place to keep track of everything to make sure I am sticking to them. And also a place for me to update friends and family on my progress. On my family achievements and activities. I plan on sticking to this one. I even have a reminder on my computer that pops up telling me to blog and not snooze the reminder... post-its on the bathroom mirror, and on the computer as well. So I'm pretty sure I will stick with it this time! =]

.: Lose the Weight :. When I graduated high school - I was a size 12. Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. After my pregnancy.. I was a size 16. But by the time Rick was 6 months old.. I was back into a 12.. and I was HAPPY! Then I met Paul. And I got comfortable. And when women get comfortable with a man, what happens? Weight happens. And slowly but surely I worked my way back up to a 16. I was still content though. I mean, I wanted to lose the weight.. but I wasn't uncomfortable with the way I looked. Then I got pregnant with Austin.. and the gates of hell opened up. He was 1 oz. shy of being 10lbs. And I was HUGE to say the least. I knew I was not getting back into my size 16 shorts after I had him.. and I was right. After Austin arrived... I was in a size 18. Nothing more, nothing less. And gradually... the weight just kept coming. And now.. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I'm a size 22.. barely. But I'm there. I REFUSE to make it to a 24. I want my size 12 back.. but I will settle for a 16 and be happy. I hate looking in the mirror at myself. I'm just miserable. And I want this to change. Tonight I took pictures of the way I look in my boy shorts and sports bra, and did all the measurements and weight. Tomorrow I begin the workouts and eating right. I'm 5'11, so I wear it better than I would if I was shorter.. but I'm still not happy. And although Paul says he loves me for me.. I hate undressing in front of my own husband.. and that's not the way things should be.

.: Stop Biting My Nails :. I know, I know.. it's gross. I did it all through high school and my pregnancy with Rick (hmm.. I wonder why). After I had Rick.. I stopped. I was constantly getting my nails done, and my real nails had grown to the full length of the tips they were putting on. Then I started to get stressed with work and school. (Working 50+ hours, taking 6 classes, and being a single mother to a infant.) And off the nails went. Back to the stubs. One of my 2009 New Years resolutions was to stop biting my nails again. And I achieved that goal! I just recently - like 3 weeks ago - began biting them again. I was getting annoyed because they were soo thin and breaking like crazy.. that I just started biting them all off. And well.. now I'm back to stubs... 3 weeks and counting... and I HATE it! I want my long nails back. The pretty nail polish. The beautiful hands. *sigh* I'm impatient! LoL

.: Find a Job :. My god this is such a dreadful task. In May 2007 - I left my job because of all the crap that was going on there, the way I was being treated and used, and because Paul's mother decided on a moments notice that she wasn't going to babysit Austin anymore. Since then, I have been a stay at home mother. I love it. BUT - I love working. The chance to get out of the house, have interactions with people. Fine time to decide I want/need to return to work though. Right when the economy is crap. Personally.. I want to go back to work soo bad that I am willing to work at McDonalds. But they don't pay enough for me to cover daycare expenses and still have money coming home.. so I won't do it. I need to find something making at least $9/hr. Tomorrow.. I'm applying at a bank. Not somewhere I would prefer to work.. but if it brings money in.. I'll do it. Haha

.: Enjoy Hobbies :. I love scrapbooking. Everyone knows this. But I also love writing poetry, and drawing. These are all hobbies that I have let slide. I used to write poetry every day... same thing with drawing and scrapbooking. Now it just seems like I don't have the time to do it. But I know that I do.. it's just a matter of me not feeling like doing anything. I have no umph, no imagination lately. To change this.. I'm going to do 1 hobby 3 days a week. Then the next week.. I'm going to do another hobby for 3 days. And the 3rd week... the same thing! That way I can get back in the groove of all 3... and mix and match them whenever I feel the want!

.: Change Contact Habits :. I am HORRIBLE at keeping in contact with my family and friends. Absolutely horrible! I figured Myspace and Facebook, and even messaging programs would help.. but NOOOO. I find myself invisible online, or only emailing/commenting them when they have hit me up first. And family/friends who don't have it? Well.. I never call, write or vist. It's awful, I know. I never used to be like this. I guess having a family and getting wrapped up in all of that is what has happened to me. But NO, I don't consider it an excuse. I know I'm crappy.. and yes I want to change this. And starting today.. I'm going to do just that! So if you start getting random emails from me.. don't be suprised. Consider this your warning! Haha!

.: More Family Time :. With Paul constantly working, my family doesn't get much "family time" in. We all eat in separate rooms, watch different TV's, etc. I hate this. I have from the get-go. But there wasn't much I could do about it. Paul wasn't getting home until almost 7:00 each night, and by that time the boys had eaten dinner and I was getting them ready for bed. I would be exhausted from dealing with all the kids all day... and well I just didn't want to be bothered, and neither did Paul from working all day. With Paul's new job though.. we are going to be able to change this a little bit. I'm excited! I love my family - they are my life. And I want to show them how much they mean to me, every second of every day. Now.. I know we still need our space.. but we need more time to do things together too. So we are going to start doing "family things" every other night. Even if it's just coloring in a book together. Or watching a movie. It's the fact that we are all together.. doing something TOGETHER. That's the only thing that matters to me! Rick seems just as excited as I am about it! Haha!

Ok - now I'm off to bed. Have to get up early and put all these goals into action!!